Hey y’all, it’s Zen.
Well, I really stepped in it now. Father is going to kill me and so is God. I’m done. Toast. History. And I didn’t even make it to 25!
I keep thinking about the toy party last weekend at Zora’s house. My mind has been there ever since, floating like a butterfly around the rooms and halls and yard, flitting from shiny eggs to blooming flowers then into the mystical massage suite, bathed in an odd golden light that seems to emanate from the walls.
Pete seems to know when to find me. He called this morning. I couldn’t bear to tell him what happened over the phone because I couldn’t frog his arm if he started laughing so I asked if we could get together. He agreed and we met at the place downtown on 6th with all the guitars on the wall.
“So, how was it?” Pete had moved us outside where it was quieter and he could smoke. He had just lit one of his pot cigarettes and sucked the dense smoke up his nose. Sexy, in a bad-boy sort of way.
“Work’s been fine, the kids are all happy, Father and the family are doing well.” Then I remembered that I had posted the whole thing here right after it happened. Duh – this is Pete’s Website! Of course he saw it already.
“Oh, that.” “Yes, that. How was your first full-on lesbian experience?” I couldn’t breathe for a minute as I realized what I had done by posting about the party. I just told everyone in the world that I got laid by a girl. OMG. And it was my first time. OMG. And now I’m officially “out” and I can’t take it back. OMG. I started to hyperventilate.
A small crowd began to form around us as Pete walked me around and had me flap my arms. “She just had her first lesbian fling,” Pete announced to everyone. The resulting smiles and pats on the shoulder and murmurs of understanding from the throng was like something out of a Mel Brooks movie. A girl in a Star Trek t-shirt kissed me on the cheek.
We sat down once I could breathe again. “That good, eh?” I wanted to hit him but didn’t. “Oh, Pete, what have I done? I didn’t know that was going to happen.” “Did she rape you?” I began to hyperventilate again. I hadn’t even thought of that. Star Trek girl had lingered nearby and was inching toward our barstools.
“I’ve got to get out of here! Everyone is looking at me.” Pete walked me down the stairs to my car. As I fumbled for my keys my phone buzzed that a new e-mail had arrived. It was Sandra from the underground sex magazine and she wanted me to do a review of the Njoy toy that Jane liked so much. I began realize just how far out of my depth I am in all of this.
“Call me tomorrow,” Pete said with a reassuring hug. I don’t remember driving home but I’m here.
So I had to post this right away because, well, now everyone knows anyway. I’ve got a lot to think about. Has anyone else ever been through anything like this?